Doctor Who Serial 147 – Dragonfire

I assume this episode is named after the ride at Canada’s Wonderland.

Part One

Great hat.

Oh, the lady gets a lovely hat, too.

Hopalong Glitz is here!

Oh, that’s Ace.

Ace is a rebel.

She shouts out her own name with she accomplishes things? “Ace!”

Why did the Doctor climb over the railing? His face implies that things are not going to plan, but what is his plan?

Part Two

That statue is wearing the greatest outfit.

You know someone isn’t your real parent because they made a bad choice in your name? Apparently Ace is Dorothy.

He’s a friendly bipedal dragon.

Part Three

3000 years? You needed the Doctor to do what that you couldn’t do for 3000 years? Walk into the lair?

That crystal looks like a cock and balls.

That was a very bad and very gross special effect.

Bye Mel! Hello Ace… or as Ace would say, “ACE!”

Doctor Who Serial 146 – Delta and the Bannermen

It’s 2021, and I’m still doing this stupid thing… but let’s GOOOOO! DELTA! AND! THE BANNERMEN!

Part One

Why is Mel excited by heading to the 1950s Disney? They have a time machine.

They look like giant poop emojis.

Was that Jimmy Carr?

This holiday camp must be what The Who were singing about in Tommy. “Got a feeling ’21 is gonna be a good year.”

That Welsh accent is making me think of Torchwood. Doesn’t hurt that last night I watched the New Year special with Jack in it.

I don’t think Doctor Who knows what rock and roll is.

Sara Griffiths, who plays Ray, does an absolutely terrible Welsh accent.

Part Two

It’s a baby!

The Benny Hill music is not making me endear this episode. However when they played the music from the The Surprising Adventures of Sir Digby Chicken Caesar.

This guy isn’t phased by anything. Green baby? No reaction. Someone asking to leave his friends with you for a few hours? No problem. Can I borrow a broomstick and pillow case? Of course.

Part Three

Haha, this really sounds like The Surprising Adventures of Sir Digby Chicken Caesar.

Maybe the prisoners wouldn’t have escaped if you didn’t tie them up with something that requires an allen key to get out.

Wow, Sylvester McCoy does not know how to drive a motorcycle.

That onesie bunches unfortunately.

The main bad guy sounds like Harvey Fierstein.

That poor bee farmer’s house.

His honey!!!

Doctor Who Serial 145 – Paradise Towers

Part One

Wow, the late ’80s vibes are strong with this one.

So Mel wants a swimming pool, is that why the Doctor would eventually put one in the library?

Oh, there was a swimming pool that the Doctor jettisoned. So he “builds” a new one.

Mel’s outfit is great. She really needs to do something about her eye makeup though. It looks like she has no eyes, just two holes of blackness.

Also, in regards to the Kangs, I personally voted for Kodos.

Part Two

Who’s the Great Architect? Is it Sarah Lynn?

I feel like I’m in the final stretch now that I’m on season 24 and Sylvester McCoy. But also, I have three seasons to get through.

Also, those guards are idiots.

Who puts a circular saw on a moving robot? That’s a bad idea!

Why does one of the old biddies have a trident?

Part Three

Okay the old ladies are incredible.

The Nazi attire is getting tired.

Part Four

Good thing the Doctor was attacked by the robot with the drill and not the one with the circular saw.

I’m trying to figure out if that’s meant to be an aquatic beast or an aquatic robot.

Definitely robot.

Well, he is a cowardly cutlet.

Thank god there are only two robots. It’s really easy to overthrow.

Doctor Who Serial 144 – Time and the Rani

Part One

Oh my god! I thought the effects on Doctor Who were bad in the past! It’s so much worse now!

With the exception of Sylvester McCoy’s face over the opening credits (they really need to stop doing that, but they will in three seasons), and except for the horrible, horrible, horrible graphics, this could be the best opening credits for Doctor Who. Part four is going to air the same day as “Encounter at Farpoint,” the pilot to Star Trek: The Next Generation. One still looks amazing today, the other looks like a 12 year old made the credits.

There’s a chicken lady.

Part Two

The Rani has a very flat bottom.

Oh my! That bad guy looks like he’s from Mighty Morphin’ Power Rangers.

“I know about regenerations, of course,” why is that of course?

Part Three

“You have another rrrrrole to play.” That was an excellent R roll, Rrrrrrani.

Everything about this episode reminds me of Power Rangers.

Part Four

Based on this story, I’m going to say, I hate Mel, I hate the Rani, and I’m pretty sure I hate the 7th Doctor.

The Rani runs like she has to poo.

“Remove the bangles”

Every choice made for this story was the wrong choice.

Doctor Who Serial 143 – The Trial of a Time Lord

Part One – The Mysterious Planet Part One

That new theme song and opening credits are a perfect example of all the wrong choices.

Time Lord costumes are amazing. I love how her hat is a Time Lord collar in hat form.

The Doctor does meddle, so I can’t blame them for trying him for that.

The Doctor should know that he should have a defence attorney.

Oh! Stuff is recorded in “the Matrix.”

Well, so far this season, he’s less of an asshole.

So far he’s kinda reminding me of what very little I know of Sylvester McCoy. Maybe a splash of William Hartnell.

The stripy sideburns are definitely a fashion statement. Not as good as the weird pointed ones in Star Trek.

Okay, I like these thugs. This is so far a pretty fun story, Except it’s fourteen parts, so I doubt that’ll last.

Doctor Who writers need to know what a constellation is.

At least he’s not ignoring Peri’s feelings because he’s an asshole. Now he’s just super giddy.

That robot is fantastic.

These people have a book about Canadian Geese, the bastards.

Part Two – The Mysterious Planet Part Two

Peri’s gonna get many husbands. She doesn’t seem thrilled, though.

That robot is a real L7. Chetta oom, chetta oom, check it out.

Oh, and the immortal is an L3 robot!

So much discussion of black lights, I wonder if this robot could just head to the Comfort Zone.

Part Three – The Mysterious Planet Part Three

This music is so stressful.

“Valeyard, I would appreciate if these brutal and repetitious scenes are reduced to a minimum,” and the audience agrees.

That was the worst instance of her fake American accent.

Every once in a while during this episode, there’s so damn good humour in there.

Part Four – The Mysterious Planet Part Four

The judge seems so annoyed at both the Doctor and the Valeyard. Yet she lets this terrible trial continue. The Valeyard is hardly preventing any evidence, just instead watching an episode of Doctor Who.

The Doctor didn’t set any of these events in motion. The robot would have run out of black light whether or not the Doctor was there.

The Valeyard is completely wrong in his evaluations.

Part Five – Mindwarp Part One

Let’s do the mindwarp, again!

Yowzah! Look at those strapping young lads.

Part Six – Mindwarp Part Two

Keep your prisoners tied up. That helps.

If the writers were any good. This whole trial would be a question of morality.

I’ve totally lost this story. And there’s two more parts. Yikes.

Part Seven – Mindwarp Part Three

I’m only on Part 7 and I think it’s going on a bit long.

What’s with that tongue thing Sil is doing. Yuck.

Part Eight – Mindwarp Part Four

Apparently females are all flibbity jibbity. Also, I don’t blame Peri for wanting to leave the Doctor. I would have left him seasons ago.

Part Nine – Terror of the Vervoids Part One

They’re stating where something is in space, and not using constellations as their coordinates.

Well that’s an entitled asshole.

Wow, that’s a terrible way to introduce Mel. She’s fat shaming and horrible. She might want to focus on fitness in her life, but to impose it on the Doctor who is obviously very uncomfortable with it, is just plain rude. At least I no longer need to listen to Peri’s horrible accent.

Commodore as a rank makes me giggle.

Gym equipment goes very retro in the 2980s.

Oh, Mel is short for Melanie, not Perigilliam.

Part Ten – Terror of the Vervoids Part Two

So the Doctor is showing a story from his own future. He hasn’t lived through these events, yet. So the weird question here, is how on Gallifrey is that even allowed?

Part Eleven – Terror of the Vervoids Part Three

Why does the Doctor start this episode with mumbles?

That woman looks like a cabbage.

Oh, apparently she is a cabbage.

“Stop the Matrix.” No, I think they’re going to make more and more Matrix films.

“Going to pieces won’t help.” Of course a man said that to a woman.

Oh no! Human cabbages!

“Allow me,” you didn’t even hold the door open, you just moved to the side, you’re a liar.

Why would you pulverize dirty towels?

Part Twelve – Terror of the Vervoids Part Four

I don’t know what to write about the cabbage people. They look like gentiles.

“They have no respect for any form of life.” That’s a pretty accurate description of humans.

I agree with the Valeyard for the first time, yeah, the charge must be genocide.

Part Thirteen – The Ultimate Foe Part One

Supposition, Doctor! There is no evidence to suggest the Valeyard “wants your head!”

Are they calling this guy “Hop-a-long Glitz.”

The Master is going to come to the Doctor’s defence.

“That’s it Doc! Now we’re getting at the dirt!” says Mel, who has no idea what is going on.

The Valeyard being the Doctor between his 12th and final regeneration could be any Doctor since Matt Smith.

The Matrix is filled with circus music. That’s what the Wachowski Sisters got wrong.

Ahh, the quicksand trope. Been a while since I’ve seen that.

Part Fourteen – The Ultimate Foe Part Two

So if you kill yourself in the past, you just get rid of the aspects of your personality that were prime at the time?

Mel telling the Doctor that he’s not better than the Valeyard, a renegade on the run. Trying to convince him he doesn’t want to be that? That doesn’t make sense, that’s the Doctor’s core character.

Does he think he’s Picard with all his Shakespeare quotes?

She opens a closet of flashing lights and says, “A megabyte MODEM!” What?

Oh, if you save the Time Lords, they’ll forgive your genocide.

Doctor Who Serial 142 – Revelation of the Daleks

Part One

Snow? They’re in the UK! Also, that’s so very little snow.

“This thing I’m wearing is too tight.” “You eat too much.” OH FUCK YOU, DOCTOR! NO! NOT COOL! Peri should punch that fucker right in the face.

Zombies!

Also, the cape looks terrible on the Doctor.

Is that lady wearing a kippa?

There’s a red-headed British actor in this, and I don’t think he played a Weasley.

She says “Davros” as “Davrish.” I like it.

Part Two

Weasley is creepy as fuck.

Wow, the Doctor is sending Peri to hang out with the creep of all creeps and completely knowing how much of a creep.

45 minutes is too long of an episode length.

“My vision is impaired! I cannot see!”

The good part of Davros is his ability to take dialogue away from the Daleks.

The Doctor loves to destroy a place and leave in his TARDIS just in time.

Really? They ended the season on mid-sentence. They must have thought they were so clever. It didn’t work.

The next story is “The Trial of a Time Lord,” which is a 14 part story, encompassing all of season 23. Don’t expect a new post as quickly as the last few were. This will take time to watch all 14 parts. At least it’s going back to a 25 minute running time.

Doctor Who Serial 141 – Timelash

Part One

This doesn’t look like 12th century Earth.

Nice to know the Doctor appreciates a good safety belt.

“I am the Borat! And I do not tolerate disloyalty.” Very nice!

No 12th century Earth for the Doctor. Does this sound like I predicted this?

If you’re ever being attacked by a beekeeper, be sure to place a potted plant into his hands. He’ll scream and fall down.

Part Two

Today I learned that if you show an android its reflection, it breaks.

This is trippy as shit in the Time Lash.

The Doctor murdered Borat.

Doctor Who Serial 140 – The Two Doctors

Part One

Yay! Jamie and the Doctor!!!!! I’m so excited. I love Patrick Troughton as the Doctor so much.

I love the bickering between the Doctor and Jamie. But Jamie only knows of the Time Lords, if this is after they wiped his memory.

The chef’s dressed to look like a Scottish pantomime.

“Who are you smiling at, you hairy legged highlander?” The Doctor can be such an asshole to his companions. The difference is the second Doctor very obviously loves Jamie and it’s in jest.

I thought it was just Americans who say “walla” when they mean voilà. Apparently British people in the ’80s, too.

There’s been way too much Colin Baker and not enough Patric Troughton.

That episode went way too long without Troughton.

Part Two

We’re 10 minutes in and we haven’t seen Patrick Troughton, yet.

Here’s a dude who looks like David Cronenberg.

Part Three

Am I going to complain there isn’t enough Troughton? Probably.

Jamie stabbing the Sontaran is perfect.

The look on Androgum Troughton’s face is comedic gold.

Suddenly there’s humour with Troughton on screen. It’s all better with him.

Oscar was barely touched and died from the scratch.

Colin Baker’s pants are so terrible.

Doctor Who Serial 139 – The Mark of The Rani

Part One

Okay, this is just turning into a fashion blog. Maybe I’ll start writing about the Great British Sewing Bee (just finished season 5). What the hell is Peri wearing? That white skirt is a really bad idea. And those shoulder? Yuck!

At least Doctor Who is talking about environmental protections, but 40 years later, and we did nothing.

Don’t you hate when your horse-drawn wagon gets carjacked?

*gasp* It’s the Master.

HAHA! I love when Time Lords/Ladies peel off a face. The Master totes has a boner for the Rani.

Oh, Master, yes, “claptrap” is a great use of language, I approve.

Is this the end for our Doctor? Is the Doctor rolling to an early grave? Find out next week. Same Bat-Time. Same Bat-Channel.

Part Two

George Stephenson is apparently the inventor of the steam locomotive. You learn new things by watching Doctor Who.

Oh god, the Master and his hypnosis.

“You’ll make an awful mess of that pretty dress.” No, Doctor! That’s not a pretty dress.

Doctor on a stick.

The Rani turning people into trees is amazing.

Peri, is that really how you think Americans say “later?”

Oh god! The T-Rex is the worst thing Doctor Who has done… since this dress Peri is wearing.

“I always said he was a strange fella,” says the man who just met him.

Doctor Who Serial 138 – Vengeance on Varos

Part One

Hey dude, I understand. I too hate when beams of light are shone on my stomach.

The creature design in Doctor Who is so bad. This is something that Doctor Who still has a problem with.

Also, this reminds me of the Star Wars prequels, all they talk about is trade.

Wait. Peri is wearing the exact same outfit as the last story, except in blue, and this time properly fitting.

So many dividends.

Now I wish Vincent Adultman was in this episode of Doctor Who.

Except those shorts. They do not fit. If they wanted to show off Peri’s body, they should have fitted those shorts a lot better. #bum

I hope Nicola Bryant was okay with how they dressed Peri and sexualized her, because it’s not right for Doctor Who.

I was gonna call out Peri for pronouncing Z wrong, but the Doctor beat me to it.

They like talking about places being in a constellation. Do they know that constellations are based on a 2D perception of space? Let alone that the Doctor is traveling in four dimensions (five if you include space like Susan did in the pilot episode).

Uh oh! Here comes the Doctor.

So the soldier executing the orders the leaders are paying attention to reports a fault and they just shrug.

I like that the government has golf carts. This scene reminds of the scene in Austin Powers where he tries to turn the golf cart around.

Even without his coat of many colours, his costume is stupid.

Part Two

Wow, the Doctor just dumped two people into a vat of acid and left the room with a “witty1 quip”. It was disgusting.

How many ways can we try to murder the Doctor?

The PHAAAAAANTOM OF THE OPERA!

When in doubt, shoot the keyboard.

Golf cart!

The death causing plant tendrils seems like a bad idea to have around.

Is “he needs more than water, Peri, eh?” a play on Perrier?

  1. It wasn’t witty []