Doctor Who Serial 088 – The Deadly Assassin

Part One

To Gallifrey we go!

What the hell was that Star Warsesque title scroll? That’s terrible.

There’s a lot of exposition here, oddly, it’s good.

Hahaha! Gallifreyan newscasts are as boring as BBC News.

The Doctor shot the President, what the farts?

Part Two

The Doctor should’ve brought Sarah. She would have stopped him murdering.

“Vaporization without representation is against the constitution.”

Oh! The Doctor is throwing his hat in the ring.

The Master is looking rather creepy. At least he doesn’t have a bad goatee.

Part Three

All reality is a computation matrix, Doctor.

That rock-face with superimposed eyes was so bad, I had to interrupt my wife to show her.

I think that might be the first time in Doctor Who history that we saw blood.

I don’t understand why he’s in this matrix.

Part Four

Drown Doctor! Drown! Oh, you’re still alive, and has a stick! He won!

The Master is a jerk.

I like that this guy’s name is Goth.

Deathbed speeches are terrible.

The Master’s makeup looks ridiculous. Kind of like a muppet.

So they completely forgot about the Doctor running for President, and that his only competition is dead?

Doctor Who Serial 087 – The Hand of Fear

Part One

That jacket looks comfy.

I know I’ve seen this one before, but none of this looks familiar.

Now I’m remembering it. The scene in the quarry is quite familiar.

That is some bad special effects. Even for Doctor Who.

I’m really liking Elisabeth Sladen as possessed Sarah. She looks good as she knocks people out with her ring.

She got into a restricted, high radiation zone really easily.

Part Two

Eldrad must live. Fuck. Eldrad is also talking to the doctor from the hospital. Eldrad must live.

That was a quick end from the dude who was a doctor from the hospital.

Sarah’s radioactive, 3.6 roentgen, not great, not terrible.

I liked evil Sarah, but I’m glad she’s back to normal.

This ring man, let’s call him Ringo, is rather obsessed with Eldrad.

Part Three

This story seems to have long “previously on” segments.

An unexplosion? Does he mean an implosion?

She’s sexy for a rock lady!

I think the Doctor is tricking Eldrad.

NO! ELDRAD!

Part Four

This is the final episode with Sarah. Will I cry? We’ll find out. Probably not.

Oh yeah! Eldrad got shot. Poor Eldrad. Also Doctor Who needs to stop showing elevators, they look terrible, just do what Star Trek, a small room with a window hole and a moving light to show movement.

Also, Sarah’s screaming is terrible.

Eldrad’s people are going to try to kill Eldrad, but it’s not Eldrad’s people, it must be the invaders.

Oh no! Eldrad is crushed. Oh! She’s good.

How did Eldrad go from a quiet and subtle person to this annoying dude?

Uh oh, Eldrad is telling the Doctor his evil plans. Don’t do that, the Doctor will stop you.

I like that the rock peeps are all wearing kippot.

Sarah is throwing a tantrum and the Doctor doesn’t care. He should be a better friend.

The Doctor is truly abandoning her. He’s a jerk.

Doctor Who Serial 086 – The Masque of Mandragora

Part One

It’s season 14! This is fun, we get a little tour of the TARDIS. Oh, and a new control room. Sarah found Doctor 2’s recorder! I love Doctor 2. You know you’re in the ’70s when you have a wood panelled TARDIS.

I think we’re now in the olden times… and I think there’s a Time Lord. I checked Wikipedia. It’s 15th century Europe. It didn’t say he was a time lord, and he’s removed his stupid collar, so it might not be.

Evil monks have captured Sarah, but the Doctor knows Venutian Judo, so he’s gonna kick some Monk ass… until he gets hit on the head with a rock.

The red light from earlier is now on Earth… the Doctor brough it to Earth! Stupid Doctor.

The Doctor stole that horse with gusto and it was stolen from him with gusto.

Wow, that soldier got crispy from the red light.

Nice bedsheet, Sarah! You rock it!

Part Two

Hahaha! I like Tom Baker. He’s about to get his head cut off and says, “Hold it, excuse me, I like to look my best on these occasions.” Takes off his scarf and uses it to trip the executioner before running away. This is why Tom Baker is so well loved.

Sarah’s still rocking the bedsheet. Looks like she’s going to be sacrificed by the monks. Not be confused with the Monk, the Time Lord. The monks are kinda doing the hora.

The monks’ masks remind me of Zardoz. Not sure why.

Wow, that beard.

Ooo, the duke has a companion. They look like they’re a couple.

Part Three

“Death to Julianos!”

I don’t know what’s happening, but it seems the Doctor is confused, too.

I didn’t notice before that one of the monks is in purple. He looks rather fetching.

Part Four

This is a really silly episode, but I feel a bit lost. See, it’s Friday evening after the most treacherous work week. I watched episode three at least a week ago.

That lion mask looks like it should be heavy, but doesn’t look like it weighs more than a gram.

Sarah’s hair is fantastic.

FIGHT! FIGHT! FIGHT!

DANCE! DANCE! DANCE!

Everything’s good and the Doctor has a salami. How nice.

Doctor Who Serial 085 – The Seeds of Doom

Part One

Antarctic explorers found something strange.

Dunbar doesn’t like or believe the Doctor. Shouldn’t people know by now?

That guy is evil! He’s wearing black gloves, standing too straight, and his suit is impeccable. I think he’s a plant.

Oh, shit! The alien plant has its first victim.

The Doctor is such a jerk!

Uh oh! The vegetation eats the animals.

And now there are invaders.

Part Two

The strangers have a gun and are planning to steal the vegetable! I think they’re going to die.

One of them seems logical. The other seems like an asshole.

Maybe if you don’t say “an alien lifeform” with a shit-eating grin, Doctor, then maybe they will believe you.

The exterior shots are amazing.

Part Three

Sarah, put on gloves, you’re in the antarctic. #advicefromcanadians

I feel like this has just become, “Adam tweets while watching Doctor Who.”

Well, they’re back in England. People are plotting and scheming, and oh my! The Doctor and Sarah are going to be murdered. They knocked him down, and ran away. We’ve got a chase scene!

I dig the Doctor in the chauffeur’s cap and his scarf. It’s a great combo.

The Doctor just called Sarah his best friend! That’s so nice. She will refer to her companions that way again in her future incarnation.

The evil scientist, Seymour Krelborn, is an EDM musician!

Part Four

The makeup is terrible.

I really hope the plant starts singing to Seymour “Suddenly Seymour.”

OH NO! They’re going to turn the Doctor into fertilizer.

Don’t send your butler in to take care of Audrey II.

Part Five

Much like Little Shop Of Horror, Doctor Who is using a muppet to play the evil plant. The only difference is this one looks adorable.

Baker has excellent mime skills as he stabs at Audrey II.

Rich people are terrible.

Henchman is now working for the Doctor and making a molotov cocktail. “JORTLES!”

That was the least impressive molotov cocktail I’ve ever seen.

Humans being attacked by plants always leads to the best acting.

So the final episode will be the Doctor running around with planet killing chemicals.

Part Six

I thought the bad guy was a plant, but apparently he’s just a plan sympathizer? A collaborator? That makes no sense. It would’ve been better to have him tear off his face a la Mission Impossible or Scooby-Doo.

Henchman is sad, so he sacrifices himself. Death by seaweed.

And that’s a wrap on unlucky season 13. Elisabeth Sladen will soon be leaving in the middle of season 14. Don’t worry, we still have tons of Tom Baker.

Doctor Who Serial 084 – The Brain of Morbius

Part One

Is that thing half Klingon, half Gorn?

That unibrow is epic.

Hmm, Dr. Frankenstein is looking for a warm-blooded humanoid. AND THE DOCTOR SHOWS UP!

Oh jeez! We’re being introduced to the Sisterhood of Karn for the first time.

Much like the Doctor, I like when people compliment my head.

So I gathered from other Karn episodes that the Sisterhood didn’t like the Time Lords, but didn’t realize they were enemies.

So Morbius is a fellow Time Lord, and is bitter and wants a new body.

Part Two

“You chicken-brained biological disaster,” what kind of asshole says that to their staff?

The Doctor knows that Morbius is alive and that the flame of life is dying. The sisterhood wants to sacrifice the Doctor, but he only wants to help.

Sneaky costumed Sarah, freeing the Doctor!

Igor is rising up against Dr. Frankenstein.

Why does Morbius sound like a Dalek?

Wow, Morbo, calm down. It’s just Sarah, she doesn’t want to destroy you.

Part Three

Morbo’s vocals look like the bitchy trampoline from Christopher Eccleston’s second episode.

Frankenstein, don’t talk about your traps when you know that Sarah is there. Oh, dum dums.

That net falling from the top of the cave was amazing. Bravo Doctor Who.

The Doctor fixed the fireplace for the sisterhood. Maybe one day they will repay him and help turn him into John Hurt.

Frankenstein has given up on using the Doctor’s head, and is going to, instead, put him in a plastic ball.

Uh oh! Igor is fighting back, again… and got shot! Igor spilled Morbo’s brains onto the floor.

Why hasn’t he shouted, “IT’S ALIVE!”?

Part Four

Wow, Morbo is going on a rampage. He attacked Frankenstein. NO! Now Morbo is after Igor! Igor is dead. I don’t like Morbo. This makes me sad.

Somehow Dr. Frankenstein didn’t die, but he’s on the hunt for Morbo.

If you’re making the villain destroy his evil creation, Doctor, you don’t leave the operating room and just assume he will do it. Surprise, surprise, he’s fixing Morbo.

Mind wrestling! This is stupid. But the Doctor won! I guess don’t mind-wrestle if your brain was recently dropped on the floor.

The Doctor survived thanks to the Elixir of Life.

Doctor Who Serial 083 – The Android Invasion

Part One

Wow, Corporal Android needs a lot of work. His movement isn’t very fluid.

That’s certainly a new definition of “finger guns.” Guys in while coveralls with big helmets have no fingertips and shoot out of what should be a fingertip.

Hahaha, that was a best companion scream I’ve ever heard, and there are so many companion screams.

Corporal Android is really stumblin’ and he just fell off the cliff. I really hope this leads to a Paul McCartney cameo with a tiny harmonica.

Corporal Android is back, but with a crew of finger guns. He brought a truck full of androids looking like the locals.

Oh my! The Finger guns have no faces, just machinery!!!!

Sarah! Don’t leave the key in the TARDIS! And it disappeared, she thinks that the Doctor abandoned her.

And now the Doctor’s been captured by the Finger Guns.

Sarah goes to rescue the Doctor, but is being spied upon by creepy looking dude. Could be a Sontaran, but who knows, Doctor Who makeup is terrible.

Part Two

So an astronaut died in space. Now he’s on Earth ordering the androids around. One of the androids is Sgt. Benton.

Twisted ankle alert! Twisted ankle alert!

Sarah, don’t jump out of a tree with a messed up ankle. This might be the first time in Doctor Who history that a companion’s twisted ankle had any effect for more than 30 seconds.

“COMMENCE THE ANALYSIS OF THE BRAIN!”

Are these aliens prototype Ferengi?

Sarah’s an android!!!

Part Three

The tussle between the Doctor and Sarah is one of the funniest moments in Doctor Who history.

My cat is sitting on the remote control and he doesn’t love Doctor Who it seems. I’ve now wrestled it back.

“Resistance is inadvisable.” Star Trek really took their terrible writing and punched it up quite a bit.

So an astronaut was bitter that he died in space, so he sold out humanity to the first aliens who came along? I don’t buy this. If you go up in space, you know there’s a chance you’ll die and there’s nothing anyone can do, because you’re so far away.

Oh no! The G-Force is so high! Sarah, how will you survive?

Part Four

She’s okay! It’s alright. No one panic.

I just got halfway through the episode and realized I wasn’t paying attention and I had no idea how the Doctor got back to Earth. I just rewound back to the beginning.

Astronaut’s ship is coming down to Earth. Sgt. Benton is confused by the Doctor leaving his key in the TARDIS. I’m writing down plot so I have to pay attention. Astronaut’s ship loses contact, and meteorites are coming to Earth, but we know that they are actually androids. They’ve landed! And this pod has the Doctor, not an android!

Well, now I know how he got back to Earth. He’s lost his Sarah! Poor Doctor.

Oh! They now have visual contact with the astronaut. No one is wondering where he got an eyepatch on his mission.

Now Sarah’s on earth, and she found the TARDIS. And the Doctor found her, BUT IT’S A ROBIT DOCTOR!

Astronaut has landed.

The Doctor is revealing the plot to the military. And the boss is hilarious.

These androids really need to recalibrate their aim.

Okay, this story is getting good and it’s getting silly in all the best ways.

Brilliant! This guy has been wearing an eye patch the whole time thinking he lost an eye, but he’s just been brainwashed.

The Doctor has no frozen the ‘droids, and Sarah’s working at freeing some of the humans.

FIGHT! FIG–oh, that was over pretty quickly.

Have I mentioned that this is the best TV show of all time?1

  1. It’s not, but damn, sometimes it’s so much fun. []

Doctor Who Serial 082 – Pyramids of Mars

Part One

“Superstitious savage!” proclaims an arrogant British archeologist as his Egyptian guides run away. What a terrible, yet predictable way, to start a Doctor Who episode.

The TARDIS goes off course on its way back to UNIT, it ends up in the right building, but wrong time, 1911. In this house are Egyptian artifacts, chief amongst them a sarcophagus which is also a space-time portal.

Part Two

The Egyptian is dead, and Sutekh, an alien who pretended to be an Egyptian god, has his people trying to get him. This sounds a bit like Stargate.

I think we need to talk about the mummies. Why do they have such giant chests? Why are they covered in 10 feet of foam? I bet they’d be good to cuddle. Why do they have a bicycle tail light on their back?

Sutekh is controlling operations on Earth via “mental force.” Why is there so much psychic stuff in Doctor Who?

“Egyptian mummies building rockets?” That is ridiculous.

That guy just got a double-sided motorboating from a pair of mummies.

Apparently the Raptors are winning. Go local sport team.

Part Three

Wow, Doctor, there’s no compassion there. You should be able to understand why someone doesn’t want to hurt their brother, even if his re-animated corpse is controlled by the baddy. 

The Doctor’s relationship with Sarah is probably the best part of this story. She’s really fantastic at bringing out the best in him. And I think Elisabeth Sladen is the same to Tom Baker. 

Part Four

Sutekh captures the Doctor and forces him to use his TARDIS to free Sutekh.

Sutekh kills the Doctor, but the Doctor survives.

They’re now in a maze, and I honeslty feel they are just doing this to kill time. Maybe I’m just too used to the Good Place and it’s super tight storytelling to enjoy this super-long stories in classic Doctor Who.

Hahaha, okay that was brilliant. The Mummy Droid turning around just as Sarah and the Doctor turn the corner and they turn around and hide in one quick move.

Uh oh! Sarah is trapped in a plastic tube! Why does every cheesy sci-fi show do a terrible episode with a maze filled with riddles designed for a 12 year old?

Doctor Who Serial 081 – Planet of Evil

Part One

This might be the best soundstage design I’ve seen on Doctor Who. There’s a mission on this soundstage. The crew are being picked up one by one by an invisible force that makes its victims vanish.

Sarah and the Doctor show up, and of course, they are assumed to be the perpetrators. They are captured and threatened with torture. Sarah and the Doctor escape only to find the invisible monster… who is slightly visible now?

Part Two

The Doctor and Sarah are on the run, they see another person die. They get captured. We find out that the scientist has discovered that plundering this planet will get humans all the energy they need. The Doctor and Sarah are recaptured, as they always do. The Doctor is convinced they crossed from one universe to another and this planet is the gateway to the anti-matter universe. He has to convince them that removing any of the anti-matter from the planet will lead to pure doom.

Many things to note. Sarah’s mom jeans are not doing her a good job, but that denim vest, yowzah! Maybe it’s the Canadian in me. The Doctor is not giving any reason for the humans to trust him. The scene of Sarah trailing behind the Doctor holding on to his scarf is classic. The flying saucer surveillance drone with a human eye is horrible.

Part Three

Wow these people seem to have accepted a portal between universes quickly enough, if only as a way to accept the Doctor’s death. But he’s not dead, just passing through a portal.

Sarah rescues the Doctor. The spaceship holds off on launching and goes to rescue them. And the scientist becomes evil… I assume red eyes mean he’s evil.

Now the crew of the ship are on the side of the the Doctor and “the girl” when the scientist tries to blame them. And now the scientist got the crew on his side. These people flip faster than a thing that flips quickly.

This episode is ridiculous.

Part Four

Okay, now they know for sure that the Doctor and Sarah are not responsible for the deaths, as there was another one while they were waiting their execution.

Turns out the scientist is infected by anti-quarks. Well, that explains why he’s now evil.

I have no idea what’s happening now. The scientist is split in multiple pieces, some are invisible, one looks like a caveman? The Doctor took the caveman away in the TARDIS? This makes no fucking sense? How high were the writers?

I’m going to take a brief Doctor Who break. I don’t know for how long. I’m thinking just a couple of weeks, but who knows, it could turn into years.

Doctor Who Serial 080 – Terror of the Zygons

A bit of housekeeping. I’m not liking how these are turning out so much. Instead of writing them after I’ve finished watching the serial, I’m going to write a bit after each part, but keep it in one blog post per serial. I do want to put screencaps back in, but how I’m watching has changed, and it’s not very good for that. I used to pop the DVD into my computer, watch in VLC and used the command key combination to take a screencap. Now I’ve digitized my DVDs and store them in Plex, so I’m watching through Plex Media Player on my computer or the app on my Apple TV. So there’s no quick and easy way to grab a screencap.

Now that that’s out of the way… Let’s begin lucky season 13. The Zygons are here! They were in the 50th Anniversary episode, which is what made me start this project, so this might be a romp. This is their debut in Doctor Who.

Part One

Brigadier Alistair Gordon Lethbridge-Stewart calls the Doctor back to the UK. Oil rigs in Scotland are being destroyed with no survivors. The Doctor downplays Brig’s concerns, but agrees to investigate.

Harry finds a man on the beach who warns him, but is shot at by a sniper. Harry gets grazed by a bullet. Is this why Harry leaves? Does he get spooked by being shot at and decides not to continue travelling with the Doctor?

Oooh! Creepy nurse lady is taking care of Harry. She’s super-creepy. Since I know Zygons are shape-shifters, I’m going to guess that she’s a Zygon! The cliffhanger was great, a Zygon is attacking Sarah. What I love most about it is that the Zygon looks absolutely horrible.

Part Two

What of the Zygons? Terror? Terror indeed. Terror of the terrible makeup. Terror of the makeup artists who can’t even be bothered to glue the latex mask to the actor’s face. Terror of boredom? Terror indeed.

Part Three

That dinosaur is quality SFX. Doctor Who is shelling out the big bucks! That was sarcasm. I called it! The nurse was a Zygon! Her morph from nurse to Zygon was perhaps even better than the dinosaur, which we’ve now found out is Nessy, the Lochness Monster.

So, let me get this straight. The Zygon have been living in Lochness for hundreds of years. They occasionally send the cybernetic Nessy out for a stroll. Now with some oil drilling, they’re getting upset, so they’re using Nessy to attack the platforms and kill all the oil staff? That’s… ridiculous.

Sarah found a secret door in the Duke of Forgill’s library. I’m guessing it’s going to lead to the Zygon base. I’m right! I’m brilliant! “The girl1 must be found and destroyed.” Oh, she found Harry Sullivan. Wasn’t sure it was really him, but he called her an “old girl,” so it must be him.2 The Zygon’s captured The Doctor! The Brig is firing artillery at their underwater ship. The Zygons are taking off… doesn’t the Duke care, they’re going to flood his house!

Wait. Them leaving is the cliffhanger? That’s not a steep cliff.

Part Four

Oh, I guess the cliffhanger is that The Doctor is on the ship. Okay, this is the first time I’m thinking that Harry is an idiot. Sarah is clueing things together, and he just brushes it off and convinces her to leave their investigation. Why do all Doctor Who aliens whisper everything and talk very slowly?

Oh, so the Zygons are refugees and wish to terraform Earth to resemble Zygonia or whatever they call their planet.

Oh no! The Doctor is dead! I bet he’s not dead. Yup, he was just playing dead, oh silly Doctor.

So the Doctor frees the Human captives, and blows up the ship, but doesn’t care about them being refugees?

  1. She’s a woman. []
  2. Facepalm []

Doctor Who Serial 079 – Revenge of the Cybermen

Why is the Doctor so mean to Harry? Shouting out that Harry Sullivan is an idiot, while funny, was cruel. I honestly didn’t think anything Harry did was worth of that outcry. Harry was only trying to help, even if he got into some more danger than expected.

Any way, “Revenge of the Cybermen” wasn’t great. It really shouldn’t have ended the season. The plot was messy and disjointed.

1 Tom Baker season down, 6 to go.