Doctor Who Serial 139 – The Mark of The Rani

Part One

Okay, this is just turning into a fashion blog. Maybe I’ll start writing about the Great British Sewing Bee (just finished season 5). What the hell is Peri wearing? That white skirt is a really bad idea. And those shoulder? Yuck!

At least Doctor Who is talking about environmental protections, but 40 years later, and we did nothing.

Don’t you hate when your horse-drawn wagon gets carjacked?

*gasp* It’s the Master.

HAHA! I love when Time Lords/Ladies peel off a face. The Master totes has a boner for the Rani.

Oh, Master, yes, “claptrap” is a great use of language, I approve.

Is this the end for our Doctor? Is the Doctor rolling to an early grave? Find out next week. Same Bat-Time. Same Bat-Channel.

Part Two

George Stephenson is apparently the inventor of the steam locomotive. You learn new things by watching Doctor Who.

Oh god, the Master and his hypnosis.

“You’ll make an awful mess of that pretty dress.” No, Doctor! That’s not a pretty dress.

Doctor on a stick.

The Rani turning people into trees is amazing.

Peri, is that really how you think Americans say “later?”

Oh god! The T-Rex is the worst thing Doctor Who has done… since this dress Peri is wearing.

“I always said he was a strange fella,” says the man who just met him.

Doctor Who Serial 138 – Vengeance on Varos

Part One

Hey dude, I understand. I too hate when beams of light are shone on my stomach.

The creature design in Doctor Who is so bad. This is something that Doctor Who still has a problem with.

Also, this reminds me of the Star Wars prequels, all they talk about is trade.

Wait. Peri is wearing the exact same outfit as the last story, except in blue, and this time properly fitting.

So many dividends.

Now I wish Vincent Adultman was in this episode of Doctor Who.

Except those shorts. They do not fit. If they wanted to show off Peri’s body, they should have fitted those shorts a lot better. #bum

I hope Nicola Bryant was okay with how they dressed Peri and sexualized her, because it’s not right for Doctor Who.

I was gonna call out Peri for pronouncing Z wrong, but the Doctor beat me to it.

They like talking about places being in a constellation. Do they know that constellations are based on a 2D perception of space? Let alone that the Doctor is traveling in four dimensions (five if you include space like Susan did in the pilot episode).

Uh oh! Here comes the Doctor.

So the soldier executing the orders the leaders are paying attention to reports a fault and they just shrug.

I like that the government has golf carts. This scene reminds of the scene in Austin Powers where he tries to turn the golf cart around.

Even without his coat of many colours, his costume is stupid.

Part Two

Wow, the Doctor just dumped two people into a vat of acid and left the room with a “witty1 quip”. It was disgusting.

How many ways can we try to murder the Doctor?

The PHAAAAAANTOM OF THE OPERA!

When in doubt, shoot the keyboard.

Golf cart!

The death causing plant tendrils seems like a bad idea to have around.

Is “he needs more than water, Peri, eh?” a play on Perrier?

  1. It wasn’t witty []

Doctor Who Serial 137 – Attack of the Cybermen

Part One

Hello, season 22!

Never split up when you’re in the wrong tunnel.

That pink romper doesn’t fit on Peri very well, for one, her left boob is squished, secondly, it looks like it’s hunching her over.

Oh, it’s a heist episode.

The roundels look like they could use a fresh coat of paint.

The head of this heist must know that being this much of an asshole will get these guys to rat on you if you get caught, right?

Oh, it’s not a romper, it’s a unitard with a pair of shorts?

Jamie could be a woman’s name, why is she so confused. Also, I miss Jamie. Best companion.

Oh, heist captain is not scared of the cops, because he’s buddies with the Cybermen.

I feel so bad for Peri’s back.

Why did they leave the TARDIS door open?

Part Two

I’m so confused how the Doctor is dumb enough to have left his TARDIS door open.

So Lytton was in that Dalek episode with Peter Davison. I had no idea, and I just watched it. I really am face-blind. All white dudes look a like.

God, Peri needs a new outfit.

God, the Doctor needs a new outfit.

Oh! She changed. That’s so much better. This jumpsuit is great! The belt is fantastic. Is this turning into a fashion blog?

God that alien’s voice is horrific.

That director should know not to get too close to the mask, it’s too bad. Though I guess most Doctor Who fans in the 1980s were not watching on a 55″ TV.

Shit is getting real. They’re trying to blow up Earth.

All those creepy hands on Peri are creepy.

Stop touching her, it’s creepy. You’re not touching anyone else.

Once again, the door to the TARDIS is wide open.

Doctor Who Serial 136 – The Twin Dilemma

Part One

Wow, I’m surprised they started Colin Baker’s era with a pair of lesbians playing backgammon.

Well, it’s just their haircuts. Romulus and Remus are jackasses.

Well, they’re doing a great job at making me think the Doctor is an asshole.

Now that’s fashion! Peri’s outfit is great, though.

So we have a terrible companion, and a Doctor who’s an asshole and choking her out.

Oh! Bunny wabbit monster!

Part Two

What is with Peri’s outfit? The tartan top with no fitting whatsoever? I think the only point of that top is this shot I’m looking at right now that is right down her shirt. That skirt is way too flared.

“Have you heard of a planet called Wakanda?”

God, Colin Baker’s Doctor is such an arrogant asshole.

Wow, how Peri was willing to continue travelling with the Doctor is completely wrong.

Part Three

She’s been in the TARDIS for like 10 minutes. How on Earth does she know how to operate the viewscreen.

Peri shouldn’t have compassion for the Doctor. There’s no reason for her to.

The TimeLord and the pointy headed dude are totally going to make out. There’s not enough man-on-man make out sessions in this version of Doctor Who. I look forward to the Russell T. Davies years.

Punch Colin Baker in the nose.

Part Four

Big intimating aliens walk in, the leader with his squeakiest voice says, “he’s the one.”

Damn! The wiggly forcefield is actually great!

Wow that was a terrible ending and Peri should leave. She’s in an abusive relationship.

Doctor Who Serial 135 – The Caves of Androzani

Part One

Wow, they layering of video is not very Doctor Who. And it looks horrible.

I’d say those outfits are rip offs of Deep Space Nine uniforms, but this is a decade earlier.

Peri screams as much as Susan.

Android rebels???? YES!

OH DAMN! I thought the red ones makde it look like DS9 uniforms. Now there are yellow and blue.

Starfleet uniforms

And the Doctor just introduced Peri as Perpugilliam Brown. Someone was dropping acid when writing.

I hate close-talkers.

“Suggests I take 0.3 of a centilitre every day.” If you’re going to put in decimals and use a non-frequently used measurement of a litre, might as well just day 3 millilitres. or 0.03 decilitres.

Oh yeah! This is the S&M story with the guy in the gimp mask.

Part Two

Dude in a gimp suit saying “quite content” while putting his hand on Peri is creepy, but I don’t think in the way they intended.

That dude had enough time to spit out that pill before the guy started trying to force him to bite on the suicide pill.

The green part is under our control. I love that it’s just a screen divided into four equal bands of different colours.

One of the stages of this death that Saltine warns the Doctor of is. TDP, Thermal Death Point. I was certain he said TVP, textured vegetarian protein.

Gah, Peri, stop screaming.

Gimp is pretty upset.

Part Three

I feel like they’ve used this monster costume a few hundred times before in Doctor Who.

That gimp slapping the Doctor was hilarious.

If you have a janky looking prop, don’t have a closeup of it. Though the next guy looks like he’s holding an iPhone.

“So I said 8 kilos, and he agreed.” Made me think of Phil Wang on Taskmaster.

Part Four

The Gimp’s 2D map does not do justice to the size of these worlds.

This is so dramatic, for something that doesn’t deserve this drama.

Someone’s really leaning hard on the Phantom of the Opera tropes.

The Doctor has known Peri just as long as he’s known everyone else on this planet, he’s cool with them all dying, but not Peri.

“Lisa needs braces.” “Dental plan!”

Welp! That’s Peter Davison. Fare thee well, good Doctor. We’ll see you in “Time Crash” and then, I guess in “The Five-ish Doctors.”

I liked him as the Doctor, the stories were not that great.

Doctor Who Serial 134 – Planet of Fire

Part One

Can we chant the title like it’s Wheel of Fortune? Planet! Of! Fire!!!!!

Good necklace, my dudes.

Oh! Their house is a series of domes. I like it.

I like that vortex of smoke.

“These items are fragile… except this butt plug.”

Hmm, they filmed this in Spain. That’s a strange thing for Doctor Who especially how cheap it is. We know they will do it again for “The Two Doctors.”

Kamelion being there must have confused so many casual viewers.

And there’s Peri with a topless hunky man.

Wow, Peri’s American accent is terrible.

Oh, Peri likes the butt plug.

Peri in a bikini is not a bad sight. Turlough in a speedo, less so. He’s one creepy lookin’ dude.

Turlough, it’s a butt plug, not a dumbbell.

So Turlough just kidnapped Peri?

Uh oh! Howard is the Master!

Part Two

The Master looks like he’s had some serious work done on his face.

Wow, Peri is horrible and annoying.

At least she’s standing up to the Master, but I’m not quite sure why she knows the Master is bad.

That hill looks like it hurts to slide down on bare skin.

Part Three

I don’t understand the story. And I don’t understand why Peri is involved. And I don’t understand why she has such a bad American accent.

The giant pin that the Master is trying to use to kill the Doctor does look like it’ll hurt, except for the black plastic cap on the point.

“Watch me shrink this clothing, and maybe I’ll shrink you!!!” EVIL LAUGH!

It’s impressive how well Peri knows how to use the TARDIS.

Part Four

TINY MASTER! YES! I do wish it was as good as tiny Paul McCartney from Help!

I like the Doctor’s suspenders.

How is Peri so bad?

Gah! Doctor, stop being a colonial asshole.

I really hope they do something to take care of Peri being so bad.

Goodbye Turlough, no one will miss you, but it’s not like we’re trading up with Peri.

Doctor Who Serial 133 – Resurrection of the Daleks

Part One

Oh, I’ve totally seen this story.

These sound effects in the TARDIS really don’t feel like Doctor Who.

I think this is the first 45 minute episode. Soon (21 years later) that will become the standard.

I love how Doctor Who doesn’t seem to ever want to bother with floors. So often it just looks like bare studio floors.

The walkways between the buildings make me think of the Distillery District here in Toronto.

Don’t sit on the console! That seems inappropriate. Also, why is she smoking?

Okay, so the reason this was broadcast as two 45 minute episodes was because the Sarajevo Winter Olympics was happening. That makes sense. People like sports.

Wow, the Daleks are wimps. One explosive and “RE-GROUP.”

The prisoner is Davros. That makes sense.

WOW! Those Dalek helmets on the humans are so ridiculous looking. It looks like Dark Helmet crossed with a hockey helmet.

God, I love panicked Daleks! They’re so bad, but so good in all the ways. “MY VISION IS IMPAIRED I CAN’T SEE!”

Putting Human troops for the Daleks helps make the Daleks less boring as they shout at one another

The array of hats in this episode are so terrible.

The Doctor just willingly grabbed a gun and went running towards a commotion.

God, Davros screams as much as the Daleks do.

That’s a cute kitty.

A time corridor is just a hallway of time, right?

Part Two

Instead of chanting “EXTERMINATE THE DOCTOR,” they should have just shot him. If the Daleks ever learned that, they could win.

How does one get the job as Supreme Dalek? That sounds like a fun one.

That bed was just covered in bubblewrap. Did they expect people to think that looks like an alien thing?

Interesting to have a room dedicated to self-destruct.

Oh farts, they’re going to make Doctor-clone kill the Galifreyan High Council.

God, Davros has just an interiority complex. His murderous creations aren’t enough, he needs to be their leader.

Wow, the Doctor has reason to kill the Daleks, but letting people come along for revenge is not like him.

I’m watching Daleks screaming at each other and spewing shaving cream.

Doctor Who Serial 132 – Frontios

Part One

Something I haven’t mentioned, I think this incarnation of the theme song is good. None are as good as the original, though.

Why did they get the old man to do the mining. Well, he’s dead now. Or missing. When your boss tells you not to mention that one of your coworkers died, you should probably disobey that order.

Well that hat stand hasn’t been used in a long time, so maybe the Doctor’s right to put it away. William Hartnell’s Doctor used it a lot.

Sometimes I forget that we’re in the ’80s, because of how bad the graphics are in this, but then I see Tegan’s outfit and WOW, it’s the ’80s. Oh, and look at that lady’s mullet.

Part Two

If the TARDIS is destroyed, why would a hatrack be the only thing remaining?

How is Linda McCartney’s hairdo hip? It’s the 1980s, she’s in her 40s. You can’t be 40 and hip!

Part Three

This is really boring. I might need to take a break from Doctor Who again. But I’m getting closer and closer to the final episode.

Part Four

Whoever made that title card did a very poor job. It was in no way centred, and looks like they intended for it to be centred.

Great ambush, hockey hair lady! How did he not see you?

Wow, this soundtrack is terrible.

Doctor Who Serial 131 – The Awakening

Part One

I think the strangers the lady is talking about is the Doctor and his companions.

That crack looks like the one that will eventually swallow up Rory Pond.

That’s the jankiest transporter effect I’ve seen.

“There’s been a confusion in time…” How does time get confused?

Part Two

Good thing the Doctor didn’t go into the crack in the wall. He was very close to joining Rory.

Everyone knows how to work the TARDIS, except the Doctor. She’s never been in it before!

Doctor Who Serial 130 – Warriors of the Deep

Part One

That’s very white.

I want a big flashing light on the top of my head. Maybe it will distract from how bald I’m getting.

Oh, this white room is a submarine? It looks like an office building.

Part Two

Wow Turlough, what a jerk. The Doctor was in the water for 2 seconds and you think it’s a hopeless cause? Remind me to never go swimming with that fictional character.

Wow, that woman’s hair is taller than her forehead.

Part Three

Doctor Who loves long conversations between two aliens who don’t move in anyway when they talk. They really should have learned by now. It’s the 1980s. The show is in its 21st season. It should stop doing stuff like that.

Also, they should increase the budget.

Those outfits have hints of Japanese. They’re slightly impressive, if not for the poorly executed monsters wearing them.

I have no idea what’s going on on the bridge, all I know is that stupid monster that looks like Polkaroo is stumbling in a corridor and is in no way a threat.

Part Four

Oh no! Samarai Salamanders with suction cups!

I wish Doctor Who had hired people who knew how to do audio, and visual effects, and make up, and costumes, and yeah… all the things.