Doctor Who Story xx – Torchwood series 2

Kiss Kiss, Bang Bang

I’ve gotta say, the old lady saying “Bloody Torchwood,” might be my favourite part of the series.

SPIKE!

He breezed into that bar.

Gwen needs to tell Jack that he needs to be honest with her if she’s ever going to trust him again.

Oh fuck you, Jack! Stop telling people that your history doesn’t matter.

The stupid western vibe is ridiculous, but I enjoy it.

Glad Doctor Who has some good make-outs, thanks to Torchwood.

Oh, Ianto is having none of Jack’s bullshit. Maybe not, he did accept his date.

Aww, he killed Jack. :(

Is it good to throw a bomb into the rift? Could that not cause other problems?

“No hard feelings, well, not in that sense.” Who writes this shit?

Sleeper

Stop saying “the doctor” when you don’t mean “the Doctor.”

Owen’s an asshole.

You should not be casual about a hospital losing power.

“I know who she is and why she’s here.” Maybe you should fill your team in.

Why is Owen tending to his plants during a company meeting?

Just leaving her baby and letting it roll into traffic.

To The Last Man

Once again, Tosh comes across as a creepy lady.

The lady who saw Gwen in the hospital is great.

How old is Tosh if a 24 year old is too young for her?

Ianto and Jack making out!

Season 2 is a definitely drop in quality.

Meat

Oh, Rhys, such a lad.

Now I feel sad for Rhys.

Jack, she’s your underling. Don’t talk to alien blowjobs.

Yeah, show Rhys everything and show him how bad you are at health standards.

Tosh needs to move on from Owen.

“Team meeting,” he proclaims while they’re in the middle of a team meeting.

This episode reminds me of the horse meat episode of Due South.

Adam

It’s a Torchwood episode about me.

Well, that’s a creepy memory to implant and make Tosh snog him.

Somehow he’s changed Owen’s personality 100%.

Don’t date someone in Torchwood.

Owen is a nerd!

Poor Ianto.

“No pride. No warmth.” Jack, do you feel that for Tosh?

Reset

Stop, Martha Time!

That first person POV, ugh.

Martha is working with UNIT, apparently.

I’d so much rather they keep Martha than Owen.

This is a really bad episode.

“What’s his dabbling like?” “Innovative. Bordering on avant-garde.”

Those security guards are bad at their jobs.

I wouldn’t trust Owen with that.

Oh Jack, you asshole, you’re keeping Weavels captive and using them to torture human prisoners to get information.

Now if only they’d keep Owen dead…

Dead Man Walking

What the hell is with that child tarot card reader?

So there are a lot more weavels than we thought and they are just hanging out in Cardiff? So why do they trap some?

This is so bad.

Do they just visit every weavel from after they arrive in Cardiff and give them a standard issue boiler suit? Who does their laundry?

This is a really bad episode and Martha isn’t around enough.

It’s Thing from Addams Family!

“Hey remember when we made Old Man makeup for David Tenant? Remember how horrible it was? Let’s do it again with Freema!”

Ianto’s now a hacker.

Are we supposed to be okay that it’s killed eight people, but yet care about this one random child?

How did Martha get back to normal?

A Day in the Death

Owen telling a lady on the rooftop that he’s dead is pretty irresponsible.

I wouldn’t trust Jack.

Dead Boy is angry.

Teenagers and dead people, so angsty.

“Jack, you get to live forever, I get to die together.”

This is so over-dramatic!

Beating up someone is kinder than calling him and telling him his wife was in an accident and is in hospital.

Something Borrowed

My file was corrupted, I needed to rerip the DVD, but we’re back and ready to go.

Her bridesmaids are horrible.

That stripper was really fast. You need to make a show out of it. You’re not going to win any hearts like that.

Good thing Rhys knows about Torchwood, she can say why she’s pregnant.

Apparently Jesus was half-alien.

My bachelor party was a lot better.

What’s she going to say to her family when they ask about the baby?

She’s really telling her parents that she’s knocked up? What’s she going to do in a few weeks? “Oh, the baby is dead.”

That is a terrible wedding dress.

Yeah, shooting in the middle of a wedding, great idea.

You’re so creepy, Jack.

So if that ain’t Jack, and Gwen was going along, does that mean that Gwen thinks Jack loves her?

If they had done the whole assembling the gun thing and then had Rhys kill her with the chainsaw, that would have been so much better.

Well, they got married.

Jack, dress up for a wedding, jeez.

They wiped the memories of all the wedding guests, but someone died and nobody cares about it.

From Out of the Rain

Oh my! The film ghost shows up without the film.

I’m so bored with this episode already.

Wow, I actually laughed at that.

Bad Jack! Don’t sscare people from looking at old film reels, the BBC wants people to look at all the old film reels to try to find all the missing episodes of Doctor Who.

Adrift

I remember the resolution of this episode, but I don’t remember why.

Gwen and Rhys should get divorced, not have babies.

Why did she want to keep the negative spikes from everyone else at Torchwood, she doesn’t know that Jack is involved. She also has no assumptions, yet.

She doesn’t know what GPS is. It’s 2008. Was GPS that new?

Jack, you have these people in prison, that’s not cool. Your ends do not justify the means.

So he just screams for 20 hours?

This show is so bad.

Fragments

Don’t lock the wheels, that’s why we have ABS.

Well, they’re all dead, that was a quick episode

1300 odd deaths in only a couple of hundred years?

Fish man is back!

Is being queer a prerequisite for working at Torchwood Cardiff?

Oh, it’s everyone’s origin story.

This might be the best episode of the season.

I don’t believe UNIT is beyond human rights.

Look at Ianto’s belt! The studs!

His necklace!

At least he has a suit this time.

The pterodactyl looks so bad.

So Jack and Ianto were fucking from day one?

HAHAHAHA! The tentacle.

It’s Spike!

Exit Wounds

Why is he sending Rhys? Rhys? He has no training or knowledge of what’s going on. This is ridiculous.

Spike…

He’s not anti-bondage, he just wants consent.

Eye candy!

Why is Gwen believing Spike and not shooting him as soon as he stands up and starts advancing towards her?

Why did he rip his skin off and not wait for it to finish unbonding?

Gwen shouldn’t have stopped Ianto.

Oh shock, surprise! Grey locks them all in cells as they drag the weavels into there.

Dear nuclear physicist, don’t leave Owen alone, help him.

“Tosh, talk to me, I need your help, babe!” Did you really need the “babe?”

This stupid childish plot is really dumb.

Tosh and Owen are dead and I’m good with that.

Jack is an idiot and is keeping his brother alive and frozen. The dude is terrorist who killed hundreds? Thousands? Caused a nuclear power station to meltdown. The dude has no sense of good.

Leave a Reply

Post Navigation

%d bloggers like this: