I’ve determined that the best way to judge romantic compatibility is how ridiculous a name combination can be.
Just look at my best friends, the Misbies. They’re perfect for each other and the hilarious combination of Miller and Crosby works so well.
Then there’s my ex, we had an ~8 year relationship, and when you combined Hood and Anklewicz, you got Hoodlewicz. You cannot deny that amazing power of such a ridiculous name combination. Obviously only powerful enough to last eight years, but that’s much better than my usual 30 minutes.
It also works with other couples, I can look at my coworker and her husband to be, and we get… Dalby + Flotner = Flotby | WIN!
There’s Neuman and Mendez which can equal either Meuman or Neudez, and either WIN!
I’ve gone and continued this trend to figure out where possible relationships might take me within my group of friends, and it’s surprisingly very simple:
Note: I’m leaving first names out, as this is not just published to Facebook (where 99% of the readers read it) but it’s also on my blog.
Also note: If you’re included in this list, please feel free to take this to mean that I’m madly in love with you. This may or may not be true, but you can assume.
Shepherd & Anklewicz = Shephewicz | FAIL
Muchmaker & Anklewicz = Anklemaker | FAIL
Licht & Anklewicz = Lichtewicz | Sounds like the name of a city in Germany
Vail & Anklewicz = Anklevail | FAIL
Emme & Anklewicz = Adam Emme Anklewicz | That could work, too bad she’s married.
McDowell & Anklewicz = McAnklewicz | Though it was funny for a week, nope.
Polk & Anklewicz = Polkewicz | Sounds like polka!
Hamill & Anklewicz = Hamillwicz (this can work for either B or K… sadly, I don’t know B’s maiden name… I’ll assume it’s Awesomepants, because that would be the most apt description of her)
Awesomepants & Anklewicz = Anklepants | Damn near perfect.
Langer & Anklewicz = Anklang | Nope.
Miller & Anklewicz = Ankler | Maybe that’s why we’ve always been such good friends.
So, I take this to the logical conclusion (much like The Boosh took retro to its logical conclusion) and I’m forced to resign myself that the perfect woman for me is Neko Case.
Case & Anklewicz = Anklecase. Yes, the greatest thing ever!
So, Neko, this is a public proposal, sure, you’ve never met me, but should that matter? Remember when you were recording Fox Confessor here in Toronto? You were borrowing/renting a lot of equipment from a computer shop. I was one of the geeky guys who worked there. We never talked. It was the other Adam you talked to… but that made sense, he’s an audio guy. I’m not. We know a lot of the same people. I once interviewed Mike Belitsky, he’s a really nice guy. I know a couple of the former Local Rabbits, and they were once your Boyfriends; Peter always seems to be nice to me. I’ve shared many a nice chat with Ron Sexsmith, who again, was once among your Boyfriends, and though he probably doesn’t remember (he always seems to be drunk), I can tell you he was always cordial and polite, so obviously I never overly offended him.
Also, while we’re on the topic of the Boosh… clicky.