Part One

Yes! Ritualistic murder.

K9’s voice is horrible.

I like Romana being his “Commander.” Yes, ma’am!

Aww, their murder is done by democracy.

I like the engineers.

Part Two

I like the pet plants attacking K9.

Hahaha, the Doctor pulling out a book on climbing Everest, it being in Tibet, then pulling out a book to teach yourself Tibetan… all while hanging on a cliff-face. That might be the best joke in the series so far… all 17 seasons.

So much slapping in this season of Doctor Who.

The creature from the pit looks like a penis.

I like the Nostradamus hanging out in the pit.

I expected her to shout “Tin dog! Bad boy!”

K9’s new voice actor always sounds really sad. He’s not Marvin.

Hi-ho, hi-ho, into the pit we go…

Part Three

Aww the Doctor is communicating telepathically with the penis puppet. Now he’s putting the penis part of the puppet in his mouth and shouting “I am friend.”

Part Four

The lady is terrible! She’s cruel.

Death by weed.

Haha! He said aluminum is the silly British way.

I think I need a Doctor Who break, so I’m going to binge BoJack Horseman season 6 part one before I watch some more.

Part One

Really? That’s how they regenerate Romana. She just chooses her body and wants to be Adria? No reasoning for why she was dying?

“Well, it’s not a flying saucer.” No, Doctor, it’s a flying cone.

Those mop wigs are horrendous.

Second Romana kinda reminds me of Jodie Whittaker, except 12 years old.

They’re on Skaro, who would’ve thought that would happen in an episode titled “Destiny of the Daleks.”

Part Two

I’m kinda glad this is a four part episode, the six parters drag.

DAMN! That was the best Dalek intro in the series yet, crashing through the glass was incredible. Yes! Go Terry Nation!

The effect was a bit minimized by the “glass” waving in the wind.

Interesting that the Daleks are using humanoid slaves when they have machines that would do the job. They just like subjugating humanoids. I like this idea.

Part Three

Davros should take the cobwebs off himself.

“We’ll meet again, never doubt it. We’ll meet again.”

She’s a ro-bit!

Part Four

So the robots are fighting the Daleks, and the Daleks realize that they’re in an infinite battle of similar wills because computers are computers, and they’re all doing the same thing. That doesn’t make sense. The Daleks are organic. They’re not machines, just housed in a machine.

The amount of time this episode has wasted playing Rock, Paper, Scissors is overkill.

Part One

Here we are, the final story of the season. The end of Romana I, the end of the key to time.

it starts with the worst chromakey I’ve seen on this show.

The roof caves in, “it’s alright it’s alright.” Could they be more British?

It’s nuclear war on Adria. Is that the name of the country?

I bet the bad guys are gone. Looks like I’m right.

The princess looks like a 12 year old.

Poor K9. He doesn’t seem right and the Doctor klonks him on the nose.

I think the Marshall is the Black Guardian.

K9 is a good doggie.

Part Two

Well, I’m wrong about who the Black Guardian is.

That door can barely hold back the Doctor. I don’t think it could hold back radiation.

K9 is going to melt!!!

YAY! K9 is okay.

“Resistance is useless.” Star Trek really ratchetted this up a notch.

That skull of jell-o does not look tasty.

via GIPHY

Part Three

Goopy skull is an idiot. The Marshall’s a bigger idiot.

Shit’s gettin’ real.

K9 is getting some real sass. I appreciate that.

Part Four

He’s trying to create his own segment of the key? If it’s that easy to manufacture, they Time Lords could just make one!

Astra is totally the Black Guardian.

Part Five

Astra still looks 12. Isn’t she and the Doctor gonna get hitched in real life. I just Googled and she’s like 28 at this point. Her Wikipedia photo was taken in 2014 and she still looks 12.

Wait, according to Wikipedia, she’s going to play Romana??? What???

Just kidding, I knew that.

I like Drax, this blue collar Time Lord. “I thought somebody knicked it.”

Part Six

Haha, tiny Doctor.

Bugger, villain has the key to time

Tiny Doctor and Drax jumping out of K9 is tight.

Part One

HAHAHA That hoverboat in the sped up film is hilarious.

Companions… always getting kidnapped. You’d think that after the last story Romana would be more careful.

More canoeing, but these guys don’t know how to canoe. J-Stroke!

The green people in loincloths are going to flash Romana by accident.

Doctor Who has a hard-on for colonialism.

Part Two

Gah, the portrayal of the aboriginal peoples of this planet is horrific.

Kroll is amazing.

Killing your enemy’s god is a bad idea.

You’d never hear on Star Trek a crew member reply to a call to the bridge with, “NOW???” What a whiney asshole.

Part Three

Kroll’s power comes from the Key To Time… *gasp*.

via GIPHY

“I’m counting 30 tentacles on one side alone.”

via GIPHY

Wait. The Doctor can emit a terrible high pitched sound from his mouth? That is the weirdest addition to canon.

Wow, they really need a lesson in canoeing.

Part Four

Wow, the Doctor doesn’t give a shit about anyone but him dying.

Why is Kroll attacking the indigenous people and not the Doctor and Romana. They’re in a boat. They’re moving.

Part One

Doctor Who should spend more time in the Doctor’s wardrobe.

Wow, that outfit is horrific. I love purple, but I don’t love whatever that is.

Romana is being stalked. I assume by a wild animal. Maybe the beast’s prey is naturally a disgusting purple?

Hahaha! The beast is like the cross between a sloth, monkey, and a man in a gorilla suit.

This knight is a creepy dude who wants to bone Romana.

“Do what I say, or I shall have you flogged,” I think she wants him to flog her.

Part Two

Why does that bed have a human shaped cut out? Where the comfy material is where the human isn’t.

“I once showed her my courtesy.” He means his penis.

It seems the key to time is impenetrable.

“Peasants! How dare you lay hands on a lady?” Maybe this is why you have problems with an uprising?

Haha! The clockwork moves so unsmoothly.

Part Three

There are three Romanas! This is confusing.

Wait, four Romanas?

They should teach lockpicking in Time Lord school. She seems to have figured it out, though.

So many androids in this episode and none are as cool as Data.

Why does everyone in Doctor Who have Stormtrooper aim?

Stop being an asshole to your pet dog, Doctor.

Wow they rescue Romana and capture her in two minutes.

Part Four

It’s time for a wedding!

via GIPHY

I’m jealous of the Doctor, he’s canoeing, and I’m not.

Except the king is marrying his sister. Gross.

This is the tamest sword fight I’ve ever seen.

Part One

That’s nice, the Doctor admitted that Earth is his favourite planet.

I like this old lady who can’t remember any dates.

The crow looks evil because crows are evil.

Not one of these people seems not evil.

Part Two

It’s a Time Lord sacrifice, not a Human sacrifice.

Wow, that old lady can’t remember a single line of hers.

Part Three

That feather outfit is extraordinary as old lady said.

The old lady’s acting reminds me of William Hartnell, aka, bad.

Part Four

I feel that Vivan’s outfit was designed just so someone could paint her boobs silver.

Haha! The Doctor’s wig is brilliant.

Part One

Oh! This is the first one written by Douglas Adams!

This guy looks like Phil Spector.

I like Romana stealing the Doctor’s jelly babies.

These guards are worse shots than storm troopers.

Part Two

That robot falcon is amazing.

That air car looks a lot like a landspeeder from Star Wars.

I don’t think I’ve seen the sonic screwdriver in a while.

What a bunch of wankers! Mining other planets while people are alive on it.

Why do the stormtroopers shoot so high?

Part Three

:( K9 killed the falcon.

Part Four

YAR! Walk the plank ye doctor!

I like the Doctor’s little projector. I love that it just looks like a normal projector.

I also like the stormtrooper preemptively falling over in anticipation of those falling rocks.

Aww, Phil Spector is dead. At least he’ll be avenged, by grapthar’s hammer.

I’m going to review each part of Key To Time as separate stories, because wikipedia’s story number is distinct for each part. What that means is when I get to season 23, The Trial Of A Time Lord, I will be doing it as a single post.

So we are onto season sixteen1. More than halfway through Tom Baker’s run as the Doctor. And more than halfway through all the seasons of Doctor Who including the new show. New show is going to fly by, with only 13 episodes a season and large gaps between seasons. I say all that and we’re only on Doctor 4 out of 13. So… *shrug*

Part One

Doctor, you should know better than to plan a holiday.

I love that Romana gets thrown on the Doctor against his will.

I also love when the Doctor’s companion is not in awe of him. Like Zoe, Romana is hilarious and realizes who the Doctor is.

Haha! That knight looks like he is from Monty Python.

Close the door of the TARDIS!

Hmm, this story is about realty?

I had a picture of this episode in my head, but now watching it, I realize I’ve never seen it, and I’m thinking of “The Keys of Marinus” which was a first doctor story and I might be colourizing it in my head.

Oh shit! The dragon’s woken up.

Part Two

So, it’s conmen, an episode of Hustle.

Part Three

Here. We. Go. Part Three. Let’s do this! This will help me kill time while I’m waiting on my Rosh Hashanah challah to do its final rise.

The Doctor got slapped with a glove! I really hope they have a duel.

“We’re not a dirty gang, are we?” I definitely like the relationship between Romana and the Doctor more than with Leela.

The Doctor has a dog whistle for K9. I love it.

Part Four

Oh god that dragon looks horrible.

This is a huge cuddle pile.

Didn’t expect this to get into necrophilia.

Wow, you know, if you want to push rocks, you need to use force.

Romana said something positive about the Doctor.

1. It’s been a long road, getting from there to here. Sorry wrong sci-fi show. [↩]