Tag Archives: Doctor Who

Doctor Who Story x – The Sarah Jane Adventures: Invasion of the Bane

Starting off with a voiceover. Not a good start.

The sound is really weird.

Looks like the Gelfling.

Sarah really doesn’t want to know them.

This lady is practically twirling her moustache.

Sonic lipstick, tee hee.

Whoever did that wide angled shot when Wormwood says “Sarah Jane Smith” needs to never work in television again.

“I am everyone.”

Oh, the belly button thing.

“Hello Maria, hello screaming girl.” I liked that.

Some good old fashioned alien repellent.

Oh Mr. Smith.

This is painful. Not sure how many episodes I’ll watch. It might not make it through all five seasons. The good thing is I have Doctor Who season 3 between this episode and the next.

This is a children’s’ show, so I’m not going to say what that sonic lipstick looks like.

Aww, she misses the Doctor. I do, too. I’d rather watch him with Martha, and that’s the next episode.

Doctor Who Story x – Torchwood series 1

Everything Changes

That theme is terrible.

Now that I’ve seen Gwen, I’m remembering how much I hate her boyfriend/husband/whatever.

Jack!

She’s holding a coffee, the dude, just asks if he can have it. “There’s no procedure any more, it’s a fucking disgrace.” Yeah, you’re right. Don’t take other people’s drinks.

Hahaha, Jack doesn’t know how to pronounce estrogen.

I’m watching a show with Susie in it, This Way Up. Watching it because of Aisling Bea. She’s great.

Ahh, there’s the terrible boyfriend/husband/whatever.

Gwen is weirdly hot in a white collared shirt and tie.

It was midday, why was there a bar fight at that time?

I bet her long hair down like that goes against her uniform code.

Hahaha! The spurting blood is great fun.

Why is that orderly wearing epaulettes?

She’s in a police car. Why isn’t she using her sirens.

Okay, in the episode of Confidential, that clip in the pizza place was longer, she ordered two “American feast” pizzas, large. I want to know what an American feast pizza is. Also, apparently Ianto calls down to Jack, this edit makes it seem like it’s his decision.

Forgot about the Pterodactyl.

That raising platform should have a safety rail.

Boyfriend, he’s a boyfriend.

Owen’s an asshole to use that spray. Though, the MMF threesome…

“Delete” doesn’t go under the “Edit” menu.

Jack, that’s a weird place to hangout.

Oh, Susie. :( Don’t kill Jack. Oh, Susie. :( Don’t kill yourself.

“One day I’ll find a Doctor, the right sort of Doctor.” You mean Jodie Whitaker?

Day One

Why would you run towards a meteor and bring your boyfriend with you?

“You got enough kit?” This show is so British.

Oh Jack, sexually harassing your staff.

Dear Security, you let her in so she could bone other people. You didn’t get any.

Dude needs to work on his stamina. Well, I guess it’s too late. He dust.

Why is Owen assuming a alien?

Security shouldn’t have a camera in the washroom.

Ianto’s the best.

“You’ve travelled here because you feed of orgasmic energy.” That’s the best sum up of this episode, and it shows that the writers know how terrible this is.

Apparently she had to do a little experiment before realizing she was straight.

Naked Owen is great.

I forgot Jack has the Doctor’s hand!

That montage of sexual adverts and Carys walking down the street was just a show of horniness.

Oh poor girl, she choose a gay dude.

Apparently fucking Jack is the ultimate bang.

Oh, her dust is pink.

Declassified

No matter the job, don’t throw sharp shit on your first day.

I missed the “boobies fondled.”

Ghost Machine

Don’t press that button, Gwen.

Why would you assume a ghost, Gwen?

That was convenient that that guy just said her full name. But then again, I guess it was convenient that the kid had his name stapled to himself.

“Human emotion is energy.”

That is not an appropriate place to put your hand, Jack. She’s your employee.

I think Gwen jizzed in her pants while practising her gun use.

Why is everyone still taking tech home? That’s irresponsible.

What are they going to do to Bernie? They’re not cops.

Jack was answering his cell phone and I shouted, “hey Jack, eyes on the road.” He’s in the UK, hes in the passenger side.

I forgot Owen’s a doctor.

Cyberwoman

Oh, we get the saga sell now.

Poor Ianto.

I think Ianto is up to something naughty.

Did he just grab her metal tit?

She’s gone full Cyber.

She has high heeled cyber boots?

The dinosaur fight is ridiculous. And amazing.

Pizza girl is getting deleted.

This is so bad.

Small Worlds

I don’t remember this episode, whatsoever.

Jack doesn’t look like he’s having a nightmare, he looks like he’s enjoying himself.

Why is Jack taking Gwen to his old lover?

I understand why I didn’t remember this one, it wasn’t worth remembering. Unlike “Cyberwoman,” which is so bad it’s fun, this is just boring.

Countrycide

Why would Gwen ask who everyone’s last snog was if she doesn’t want people to know thata Owen sexually assaulted her.

Also, why are they trying to make Owen and Gwen a thing. It’s gross because Owen is rapey and gross.

Why would they pair the office manager and the computer nerd. As the computer nerd, I’d be useless in the field.

Oh no! The murderer is a shoe collector!

Jack’s a bad leader.

*Evil laugh* *Makeout with your evil partner*

Tosh is bad at her job.

Voiceover!

Ugh, I forgot Gwen and Owen fucked.

Greeks Bearing Gifts

The saga sell for Torchwood sucks. Quantum Leap did it much better.

Owen’s an asshole.

Tosh is really bad at her job.

Aww, Ianto is so sad. She should have hugged him.

Also, Tosh is so sad. And Mary’s just a pusher.

What the fuck is with that transphobic speech.

They Keep Killing Suzie

Okay, so let me get this straight… Suzie knew she was going to go on a killing spree, and they would resurrect her. She programmed the base so that they would capture the dude, and he would then start chanting Dickinson. That would then put the base on lockdown. Somehow she knew Gwen would break her out, just in time for the base to go on lockdown, and then she’d be able to go around.

Jack runs funny.

So your boss just killed a former employee and nearly had another employee nearly die, so you think this is the right time to propose some sex games with a stopwatch?

Random Shoes

Wow, that was one of the worst episodes of television I’ve seen in a long time.

It starts off with a dead person narrating their story, and he has to tell us statistics. “The speed of light is…” It was so hokey and ridiculous.

Why did the dad leave? They never address it, but they act like they did address it.

He literally got pulled up to heaven.

Out of Time

This might be the best episode of Torchwood. That’s not saying much. But this is a really great “what if” story of people out of time1. While Owen’s still a creepy asshole and makes the story bad, his girlfriend, who should have been a lesbian pilot, is fantastic. I love the other two time travellers, too. Dude finding his son as an old man with Alzheimer’s is tragic. The young girl wanting to go to London is great.

I’m also finding on this watch, I don’t hate Reese, he’s actually a decent dude with a terrible girlfriend.

I don’t love the ending, Lesbian pilot should not have flown off into the rift, if she was going to do that, she should have at least given her mates an opportunity to join her, they have nothing to live for in the 21st century.

Combat

Apparently Mickey the Idiot wrote this episode.

Ahhh, Weavel Fight Club. This is one of the worst episodes of Torchwood. Where to start? Owen is a whiney bitch and I just don’t care about his feelings. He knew the girl for one week2. I don’t care about the B story, and Gwen being a terrible girlfriend, and Reese being a shitty boyfriend. I remember why I hated Reese, his “don’t you fucking go” comment at the restaurant. Not cool, dude.

Gwen drugs Reese and tells him that she’s been sleeping with Owen.

Also, throughout this entire episode, they act as if Torchwood has been treating the Weavels with respect. It’s a lie. They keep them imprisoned.

So this guy (Owen) has admitted he’s suicidal, tried death by Weavel, so Ianto just puts him in the cell with the weavel?

Captain Jack Harkness

A “Vote Saxon” poster. The first mention of the Master.

Woo! Time travel!

Real Jack is nice.

Owen asks who put Ianto in charge, and that’s a good question. Shouldn’t Gwen be in charge?

Jack really likes Jack.

Are Ianto and Owen going to kiss? They shouldn’t. Owen sucks.

Aww Jack kissed Nancy goodbye.

Are there no servicemen who look at a building’s electrical in the 60 years between World War I and Torchwood?

Tosh, that’s how you get tetanus.

Of course all the Jack Harknesses are queer.

End of Days

Holy shit, that was as terrible as terrible can be. So creepy caretaker from the previous episode wants Torchwood to open the rift to the fullest. So he murders Reese and then everyone rebels against Jack and reopens. Owen murders Jack. Jack is an asshole who treats his employees like garbage. Reese has the worst girlfriend of all time. Owen is a terrible doctor and is bad at keeping the whole rift thing a secret. The writers don’t understand how a pandemic works (watching from 2021). There’s a giant Godzilla and the only way to stop it is to have Jack let the beast feed on him. Gwen brings him back with a kiss. “Thank you.” Oh my god it’s so bad.

Finally, the TARDIS shows up in Torchwood HQ and takes Jack away? WTF.

  1. Get it? []
  2. It’s been… []

Doctor Who Serial 178 – The Runaway Bride

This is a nice break from Torchwood. This aired between the 11th and 12th episodes of Torchwood, so I’m hopping over to some more family friendly fare. I’m going to post all the spinoffs by season, so expect season 1 of Torchwood to appear here soon.

Donna Nobel coming into the TARDIS and yelling at the Doctor is the best.

“Dumbo” is a weird comment on Tennant, maybe Eccleston.

Donna’s shock at the TARDIS being bigger on the inside is the best.

This is so anxiety-inducing.

The Doctor should get an app instead of using strings to pilot the TARDIS, which I don’t quite understand how that works, but you know, it’s Doctor Who.

Donna needs to chill out.

She hates Christmas, and yet she plays Christmas music at her wedding?

Why would anyone applaud when she starts crying? I really don’t get that. Is that a weird British thing?

That cell phone was not meant for internet.

I can’t believe Donna didn’t invite her grandfather. He would have had a great time.

Oh god, I hate the Spider Lady.

I know Lance is evil, but I feel bad for him being in a relationship with Donna.

The weird ad for Segways is weird.

Lance is an asshole.

“Who is this little physician?”

The spider thinks she’s Popeye… “ugg-gug-gug-gug”

If there’s one thing I can say about the relaunch of Doctor Who, they really nailed the hokeyness of the original.

And this Christmas, it’s fine for Humans to defend themselves.

I really enjoy someone rejecting the Doctor.

#saddoctor

“Her name was Rose.”

Doctor Who Story 177 – Army of Ghosts/Doomsday

Tardisode

Torchwood are a bunch of assholes.

Army of Ghosts

“Planet Earth, this is where I was born, and this is where I die.” No, you’re going to die on a parallel earth.

You didn’t die, and you can’t narrate your own death! This whole terrible thread is making me look forward to Billie leaving.

I do love Martha.

Jackie kissing the Doctor is amazing.

Yay! The Torchwood theme song.

Freema’s a babe!

The Doctor is more Scooby Doo than Ghostbuster.

She’s wearing two bluetooth headsets. That just seems silly. Also, remember bluetooth headsets?

I think that’s the first “allons y.”

I love Jackie as “Rose.”

I want real Martha. The one who is a doctor, like the Doctor.

That might be the only time I’ve been happy to see Mickey Smith.

Daleks and Cybermen, whee!

I’m enjoying this episode more than I remembered.

Tardisode

Bad guys are coming.

Doomsday

Stop being so dramatic, not-dead Rose!

Things this is not: The story of how you died.

“Cybermen will remove sex?” I did not sign up for that.

The conversation between Daleks and Cybermen is terrible and takes too long. Okay, the Daleks saying “this isn’t war, this is pest control” is brilliant.

“Social interaction will cease.”

Aww, Jackie and Pete love one another.

I enjoy the Dalek shouting “Elevate.”

They should’ve just rigged up a remote starter and done it from the other room.

“Emergency temporal shift” is a good way to keep the Daleks going. They usually don’t bother in Doctor Who, though.

Why was Pete not sucked into the void?

I know he never got to say it, but god damn, they never should have made it that he was about to say it. Stupid Doctor loving his companion. He didn’t even love Susan, and she was his granddaughter.

Donna!

Confidential

Well, if I watch one video a day, I’ll be done by January 2022. Unless I die of COVID first.

I assume that was a hair stylist, but it really looked like Billie was getting a great scalp massage.

This is a lot about Torchwood, the show. I assume at some point they’ll discuss Rose leaving the show, but there’s only 10 minutes left. Make that 5 minutes left. There we go. Okay, we’re back at Canary Wharf, but no talk about Rose, and we’re down to three minutes now.

Oh, this is the wrong episode. This is the Confidential for part one, I don’t have the next one.

Doctor Who Story 176 – Fear Her

Tardisode

Is that supposed to be a true crime YouTube channel? If it was done now, it would be a podcast.

Episode

Before we start, this episode sucks.

So, old lady should be prime suspect now.

Mom wakes up a kids laptop and it’s streaming live news. Really? That’s what a kid was doing on her laptop?

This kid needs some mental health support.

Wow, this kid is going through some serious trauma and the mom just wants her to forget her dead dad.

Who thought it was a good idea to have a Doctor Who story centring around a child?

Did she just whisper “feel the love” into a spaceship?

Someone needs to hire a few therapists.

God, this might be the worst episode of Doctor Who ever.

At least they’re not foreshadowing her death now, just them splitting.

Martha in the trailer!1

Confidential

I guess it makes sense that the creatives involved in the show all think that creepy children is good for storytelling. It’s not. Stop doing it. Children, yuck.

There were a lot of clips from the first couple of years of Doctor Who and a lot of William Russell, who played Ian. That inspired me to Google him. The dude is in his mid 90s. And his kid was in all the Harry Potter films.

  1. Yeah, I know it’s not Martha. []

Doctor Who Story 175 – Love & Monsters

Tardisode

These Tardisodes are really bad.

Love & Monsters

I love the Scooby Doo scene in this episode.

This is the second time they’ve called back to the Slitheen.

I love that Elton loves ELO.

Stop foreshadowing deaths that aren’t deaths. Ursula doesn’t die.

Mr. Skinner’s novel is great. I love this group of people that come together for something silly, a time travelling alien, and just become genuine friends.

If this episode were just LINDA hanging out, it would be better.

Elton trying to “infiltrate” Jackie is amazing.

Jackie’s a slut, and I love it.

I also love the high percentage of this episode that features “Mr. Blue Sky.”

I just remembered that Ursula is Moaning Myrtle.

I forgot that Elton named his species.

I love that the Doctor arrives so that Rose can yell at Elton.

David Tennant’s delivery of “Elton, fetch a spade!” is perfection.

The blowjob joke wasn’t needed.

Confidential

Hahaha! The Dalek on Blue Peter is amazing.

Look at all the old technology.

Doctor Who Story 174 – The Impossible Planet/The Satan Pit

Tardisode

This feels like a University student project.

The Impossible Planet

This is not tense at all when you know the Ood are adorable little creatures.

My wife seems to think this is a good episode. I remember it being horrible.

“Since when did Humans need slaves?” Umm…

Oh, they’ll get the TARDIS back.

She just kissed his helmet. Now he has a smear in his eye line.

This episode reminds me so much of Star Trek V: The Final Frontier.

Tardisode

The production values on this are terrible.

The Satan Pit

The pit is open.

I love that it’s literally the devil.

Oh yeah, foreshadowing about Rose’s “death.” I hate when new Doctor Who foreshadows a death without ever actually paying it off.

“There’s no way out. They’re stuck down there.” WITH THE TARDIS!

Why are they commenting on each other’s asses while running for their lives?

He wants to die of suffocation, prefers that to Ood. The death by Ood seems much quicker than suffocation. I think I’d take that.

I thought the body was just an empty shell, why is it understanding what the Doctor says and laughing at it.

Confidential

I apparently don’t have access to the previous Confidential, for part one, but I’m cool with that. These aren’t interesting. Let’s see if I have any commentary on this one.

HAHAHAHAHA! She said “tuh-toos” like Bronconius in Bob’s Burgers.

Doctor Who Story 173 – The Idiot’s Lantern

Tardisode

That old lady looks like the granny from “Nanageddon.”

Episode

Oh my god! It is Nanageddon.

Oh god, Rose wants Vegas-era Elvis. She really is an idiot.

I like the Doctor barging his way into that house by pretending to be working for the Queen.

God this episode is terrible.

*gasp* She’s in colour!

Once again, you have another supporting character who would be a better companion than Mickey. Hello Tommy.

That made no sense whatsoever. At least he stored her on Betamax, no one will be able to play it.

Doctor Who Story 172 – Rise of the Cybermen/The Age of Steel

Tardisode

A little bit of back story that will be told in a few seconds in the actual episodes and a few shots of Mickey/Ricky driving a truck.

Rise of the Cybermen

Wow that is the most moustache twirling villain, ever.

Noel Clarke still hasn’t made it into the opening credits.

Just a coincidence that they land right beside a billboard of Pete Tyler.

Hahaha! The bad guy is terrible.

The punk homeless dude looks ridiculous.

I like Ricky’s bubie.

I think the British President is going to die.

Double Ricky!

After two of the best Doctor Who episodes, we get this garbage.

Confidential

Why isn’t this two parter part of the missing episodes of Doctor Who?

Can I just say that the Cybermen suck compared to the Borg.

Tardisode

That was just completely uninteresting.

The Age of Steel

The Doctor is optimistic that the police will do something against a rich person.

Mrs. Moore is great, and another example of a potentially great companion.

“He will be rewarded by force.”

He’s been Cybered, but he still can’t even walk, poor buddy.

This is the most gruesome mass murder in all of Doctor Who. He stopped them from feeling things and now they are all overcome with the pain of being a Cyberman.

Why aren’t they climbing? Also, how’s Mickey going to land that thing.

Goodbye Mickey, it was fun.

Oh, this next one sucks, too.

Remember when each episode ended with thanks to the Canadian Broadcasting Corporation? Maybe the CBC should make its own Doctor Who show. There’s The Great Canadian Baking Show why can’t there be Doctor Who (Canada)?

Confidential

A lot of Mickey talk.

Doctor Who Story 171 – The Girl in the Fireplace

Tardisode

Oh, we see the crew before they all die. That was creepy.

Episode

This is the first episode where Mickey is officially a companion. I’ve been tagging him in all episodes he appears in as he eventually became a companion. If you look at all the stories, I tag the actors who play the Doctor, Master and the companions (by character name, not actor name).

Okay, this is definitely one of my all time top Doctor Who stories.

Madame de Pompadour screaming out for the Doctor into the fireplace is such a good teaser and then to jump 3000 years later to a spaceship is great.

“They didn’t nip out for a quick fag.” I don’t think you know what that means, Rose.

“That’s the TARDIS, translates for ya.” “Even French?” Oh, the UK.

I really enjoy Tennant’s interactions with young Reinette.

“I’m the Doctor and I just snogged Madame de Pompadour.”

“What’s a horse doing on a spaceship?” “Mickey, what’s pre-revolutionary France doing on a spaceship?”

Moffat was good at planting little bits of mystery to bring it back to Doctor Who, just don’t let him solve any of them.

What’s with Moffat and bananas?

The Doctor is stuck now.

The Doctor should know about relativity, and he shouldn’t have to be too dumb about how he won’t return immediately. If she needed to pack a bag. He should have waited.

Is that the first time that Mickey successfully read the room, by knowing to leave the Doctor alone.

The ending of this episode is perfect.

Confidential

Nothing to write about, other than Moffat crying because he wasn’t going to get a horse. They gave him a horse.